is that alright

[marmoron]

[It'd been on the back of his mind ever since they agreed that their next step was to return to Earth in order to replace the Castle of Lions, like a ghost silently following him around whenever there isn't something immediately life threatening to hold his attention. For so long he's insisted that there was nothing to go back home to, That by the end of it all he made everyone turn their backs on him and that this was all for the best. It's the only narrative that makes him stop looking at the past and look towards the present and future, and it had served him so well for as long as it lasted.

The return to Earth refuses to be simple though, and barely even before the dust of their destroyed planet had even settled, there'd only been one person in his mind: Griffin. Was he okay? Did he survive this? And then only few minutes later that Garrison car had shown up to pick them up from the ruins of Platt City and that achingly familiar voice had momentarily rendered Keith speechless.

That was just several hours ago, but somehow it feels like a lifetime has passed already between the endless reunions, briefings, status reports and navigating around an entire military's chain of command where it'd only been the paladins before. He doesn't know what to expect from Griffin anymore, but he knows without a doubt that he deserves every single cold look, and grimaces his way through the guy's criticism of his team, somehow knowing it's not even about Hunk, it's him. Griffin wants to yell at him and that's.......

Maybe that's egotistical. Maybe the guy's doing far less thinking about Keith than Keith is doing about him.... and maybe he hopes that's true for Griffin's sake. It's that thought that keeps him from seeking Griffin out on his own. As much as he wants to apologize, he knows not everyone gets to and that not everyone wants one.

Then again that might also just be cowardice in the guise of empathy; Keith doesn't know. But he does know that when Griffin and Veronica turn up unexpectedly at the hangar to help him and Hunk, he's inexplicably, selfishly relieved. They return to the Garrison base without Hunk's parents, but there's a greater sense of resolve in the air. Hunk's going to save his family, they're going to liberate Earth and--]

...James.

[He reaches out grabbing the other boy's arm, heart thudding in his chest.]

Can we talk?

Comments

[onebetter]

[ James hasn't thought of anything but Keith since word came in that the paladins of Voltron are in the solar system. First there had been a sense of incredible relief. After so long, there had been no better feeling than knowing Keith isn't drifting dead in space, once warm body frozen solid. That fear had been paralyzing James recently. He wanted to tell himself he doesn't care, not after all Keith did to him, but this simple way of coping was ripped from him by knowing Voltron is their only hope to save their planet. Professionally, he was required to care about Keith's life and thus there had been no way to shut out that secret and private part that could see Keith's lifeless eyes in his nightmares.

Once Keith came back into Earth's atmosphere, once James could confirm his existence with his own two eyes... that was when the anger set in. Keith looks different know. Soft around the edges that used to be so sharp that James would cut himself on them regularly. James watched Keith stand there, so familiar and intimate with classmates neither of them had ever spared a glance for, with Shiro at his side--- and he'd felt as if every memory that had been haunting him for years had been rendered obsolete. Whatever there had been between them, it never mattered to Keith. He could simply walk away from it and start his new (his better) life with Shiro and a bunch of randos. James had conveniently bridged some time until Keith could get back what he wanted and he'd been left in the dirt while Keith drifted among the stars.

The only thing James had left, then, was to prove to Keith that he's fine as well. That really, the Earth might be in shambles, half of the people they ever knew may be dead, but James is doing fine. He can nobly look past their differences to assist on a mission, he can smile and chatter and he can pretend it all never mattered to him either. He can lie.

Lying comes easy, easier than he thought it would, and he almost fools himself until there's Keith's hand on his arm and every defense he's built up crashes to his feet like a town under an ion canon's assault.

He tenses up and he wonders if Keith can feel how James' body turns to ice under his touch. ]

We can't do anything. But if you have something to say, I'll listen.