jeith | is that alright

is that alright

[It'd been on the back of his mind ever since they agreed that their next step was to return to Earth in order to replace the Castle of Lions, like a ghost silently following him around whenever there isn't something immediately life threatening to hold his attention. For so long he's insisted that there was nothing to go back home to, That by the end of it all he made everyone turn their backs on him and that this was all for the best. It's the only narrative that makes him stop looking at the past and look towards the present and future, and it had served him so well for as long as it lasted.

The return to Earth refuses to be simple though, and barely even before the dust of their destroyed planet had even settled, there'd only been one person in his mind: Griffin. Was he okay? Did he survive this? And then only few minutes later that Garrison car had shown up to pick them up from the ruins of Platt City and that achingly familiar voice had momentarily rendered Keith speechless.

That was just several hours ago, but somehow it feels like a lifetime has passed already between the endless reunions, briefings, status reports and navigating around an entire military's chain of command where it'd only been the paladins before. He doesn't know what to expect from Griffin anymore, but he knows without a doubt that he deserves every single cold look, and grimaces his way through the guy's criticism of his team, somehow knowing it's not even about Hunk, it's him. Griffin wants to yell at him and that's.......

Maybe that's egotistical. Maybe the guy's doing far less thinking about Keith than Keith is doing about him.... and maybe he hopes that's true for Griffin's sake. It's that thought that keeps him from seeking Griffin out on his own. As much as he wants to apologize, he knows not everyone gets to and that not everyone wants one.

Then again that might also just be cowardice in the guise of empathy; Keith doesn't know. But he does know that when Griffin and Veronica turn up unexpectedly at the hangar to help him and Hunk, he's inexplicably, selfishly relieved. They return to the Garrison base without Hunk's parents, but there's a greater sense of resolve in the air. Hunk's going to save his family, they're going to liberate Earth and--]

...James.

[He reaches out grabbing the other boy's arm, heart thudding in his chest.]

Can we talk?

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[There's a slight pause at hearing 23; it's never not going to be weird to think about tthe fact that they're not even the same age anymore. But after a missed beat, Keith closes his own fingers around James' hand.]

Do you want there to be clear rules?

[It's an earnest question asked in a fairly even tone, despite being genuinely curious about it. He still doesn't know what it is James really wants from him. If this is is just -- something he's doing because they're both mourning they lost and trying to feel less lonely about it or something else.

Either way, that one's up to James. Keith's well aware he is not in a position to ask anything from him.]

Edited 2019-01-31 00:55 (UTC)

[ That is, by all accounts, an excellent question. James can't answer it without some hesitation, so he let's his thumb brush over Keith's hand as he thinks.
Being without rules, turning everything upside down... as much as those things drive James crazy, they've always been a driving factor in his fascination with Keith. Keith is everything he isn't and James is pulled to him near magnetically. In the end, that's what got them both hurt. No rules, no talk, only wild attraction and polar moods.

What of now? What does he want now? It's hard to say for sure because all the things he truly desires would involve rewriting the past. ]

If we're going to keep doing this, you mean? Then I want rules, yeah. I want to know what you're thinking, all of it. No more running.

[Keith gives that hand a squeeze; his reply is firm and immediate.]

No more running.

[That much he'd already wanted to prove to James regardless of the nature of their relationship. Keith has decidedly moved on from being that kid with abandonment issues that needled its way into self sabotage. He's better equipped emotionally, mentally. There's a beat of silence though, and then he shifts slightly to turn his whole body towards James.]

To be honest, I'm not even sure what you mean when you say "this." I don't know what this is to you, right now. [Brow furrowed slightly, he looks down at their hands.] Guess the hopeful part of me wants it to mean that you want to trust me again, but...

[Trailing off, he brushes James' cheek with his free hand and glances back up to look him in the eyes.]

That's how it is for me anyway. I'm with you now because it's you, you know? I want to know you again. Properly this time.

[And again, others come back to mind, and a sigh builds in his lungs. Keith swallows it down.]

I don't know if that's stupid to you. Maybe I'm a little jealous, too.

[ Though he'd asked for honestly up-front, what he gets is still far more than James was actually expecting to get out of this. He stares at Keith with surprise in his eyes, but his expression softens the longer he speaks. Not in his wildest dreams had he expected to get to this point again - and he hadn't wanted it either. He'd thought that this would be a chance Keith doesn't deserve. He'd thought that if Keith ever came crawling back, he'd crush him like Keith did to him all those years ago.

James doesn't feel like crushing anyone now.

I'm with you now because it's you, you know?

Instead he's feeling unnecessarily fluttery in his stomach. ]

... can't lie, I'm a little happy about that.

[ The jealousy is easiest to address first, but he does so in a weak voice that betrays how much the rest of Keith's words has affected him. His smile thin but genuine. ]

And... it's kind of stupid. I should be storming off for you even suggesting it. But I should also have stormed off in the hangar and not come back to your room to tenderly hold hands on your bed, so that's... all happening.

[ He clears his throat a little, looking unsure for a moment. ]

I want you back, Keith. I don't know if I can trust you, I don't know how hard it could be, but I do want you back. If I have to choose between being miserable with or without you, I'd choose the former anyway.

[Keith doesn't know how to respond to any of this at first. When he said he was being hopeful, that had been an understatement -- it'd been the part of him that was selfishly yearning for things he knew he wasn't entitled to, things that are well out of his reach, things he can't possibly want anymore.

But somehow the words I want you back are there and Keith is overwhelmed by how much he doesn't deserve this. Like the time Shiro had bailed him out of the juvenile detention center after stealing his car. Like all the countless times James had tried to be a shoulder to cry on, and a hand to hold onto.

A slew of different feelings collide with one another and all Keith can do is stare right back until finally there's a shy smile on his lips.]

...why do both of those options have to feature you being miserable one way or the other?

[Reaching across, he drapes his arm around James' shoulder, resting his forehead against his chest.]

I just want you to be happy.

[ James laughs at that, softly. It's neither amused nor is it bitter. It's the kind of helpless laughter caused by situational irony. ]

Precedent taught me not to be optimistic.

[ It's a mean thing to say, he realizes only after it's already left his mouth. Most of what was miserable about their first attempt at a relationship was caused by both of them failing to communicate, they know now. The issues James had been having were largely in his head only. Apologetically, he wraps his arm around Keith. ]

I just... I can't forget the last six years. I hated you so much and I still had nightmares about you dead in space. Feels like if I let go of you now, you'll just be gone again.

[Keith tenses up a little at that. Sure, he walked right into the barbed comment, but he doesn't have much of a response for it other than it'll be different this time -- except that it sounds a lot like something his younger self would've called an empty promise. He sighs.]

I can't say that there weren't a lot of close calls. [The Galra, a weblum and everything about the Quantum Abyss gave it their best.] Turns out, I'm pretty hard to kill.

[Then craning his neck back a little, he presses a kiss to the underside of James' jaw, murmuring:]

But I'm here now and I'm not leaving you.

Mhm...

[ It's as affirmative as James can manage to be when Keith still feels like a particularly solid mirage. Being hard to get a hold of seems like it's a part of Keith's nature and James can't quite imagine yet what a more stable Keith could be like. Keith is someone who he'll always have to chase, one way or another, he'd been so sure of it. ]

Prove it. You're good at proving points.

[ And so is James. Maybe if they'd dared each other to fall in love instead of only quietly building up their own feelings, maybe then somehow they'd have turned out better. ]

Uh...right now?

[That's getting a blink. Just.. how is supposed to do this, James.]

Well you're kinda in my room. It'd be weird if I left.

[ This gets another chuckle from James, despite the fact that he's the one who phrased himself badly to start with. ]

No, no, just... generally. Over time.

[ Then after a pause and with a grin: ] To be fair, I absolutely would not mind you trying to show your sincere intentions of making me happy now either.

[...Ah. That's a dangerous look on James' face and a dangerous invitation. It's also slightly jarring to hear right off the back of something that'd otherwise been cloying at his sense of guilt. Keith can't decide if the mood whiplash is annoying or preferable to continuing that previous line of conversation.

Well. At least if what James is saying is annoying again, there's an easy way to stop it that just so happens to coincide with what he's getting at.

After a moment, Keith lets go of his hand and gives James a hard shove, pushing him onto his back and climbs on top of him. Pinning the boy's shoulders against the mattress, he leans close enough to almost brush their lips together again, but not quite.]

That a challenge?

[ ...oh.

James winds up staring up at Keith mesmerized for a moment. Though this had indeed been what he was hoping for, it happened so swiftly and with such determination that he can't help but feel... something. Something that is definitely moving his blood circulation and potentially bringing some color to his face - he hates that effect, but ah well. It can't be helped. ]

... maybe so. You wouldn't back down, would you?

[ With Keith's head so close, James can't resist reaching up to run his hand through his hair again. ]

[With the protective gear gone, Keith's fingers dig into James' shoulders, feeling out his frame. James is taller now, a little more toned than he was at 17, and they both have a bit of re-familiarizing to do on a physical level.

The flush is satisfying to see, but it's not enough to chase out the idle question of just how many people got to see this particular view that used to only be his. Whether James put up a front of still being in control for them or if he simply melted pliantly into the touch....

It well and truly doesn't matter if that's all in the past and James wants him back, but the thought still leaves a faintly acrid aftertaste in Keith's mouth. He draws back, putting a pinch of distance between them.]

I dunno, James. You're blushing already. You really think you can handle it?

Edited (randomly caught a typo and had to fix it sry) 2019-02-01 17:22 (UTC)

[ ... of course Keith would call this out immediately. Naturally he wouldn't be able to mask any of his nervous excitement for even a second. Hiding things from Keith seems pretty impossible, unless the thing being hidden is your passionate love for him. What a guy. ]

I'll have you know, I've become pretty tough in the past few years. I'll handle you just fine.

[There's enough ambiguity in there what with the occupation being what it is that Keith doesn't immediately retort with yeah, you got some practice in, I get it already., but the reply doesn't leave him wanting to be gentle with James either.]

You say that. But you're still as rotten as ever.

[And with that, he closes the distance to bite at his neck.]

Edited 2019-02-01 21:23 (UTC)

[ This prompts a sharp intake of breath from James who wasn't actually prepared for biting just yet, but definitely doesn't mind. ]

Mmhmm...

[ As fun as the pillow princess act was, as much as he loved teasing Keith into action, just laying back won't cut it anymore now. His arms go up to wrap themselves around Keith's back tightly, one hand brushing over the back of his neck. ]

Guess you have pretty bad taste then...

[There's no immediate reply to that. Keith keeps his attention focused on James' neck, alternating between gently sucking at his warm skin and quick bites. Maybe part of it's just to get James to shut up, but one way or another he doesn't stop until there's a new purple bruise on the boy's neck. Only them Keith breathes out and leaves a kiss right at a pulse point.]

Nah, You're the exception.

[Then shifting upwards, he presses their foreheads together.]

But you're also mine, so what can I do.

[ This attention definitely has James sighing contentedly within moments. He knows this is going to leave a mark that is visible, but he can't bring himself to care at all. Hiding his neck efficiently is a problem for tomorrow James, whenever he recovers his sanity. Current James is loving the possessive attention, even more so when the word 'mine' is spoken out loud.

His smile this time is far from teasing. ]

Nothing but enjoy it anyway, because I'm certainly not letting go of you ever again.

[ The kiss he presses on Keith's mouth is short and fleeting, followed by two others for each side of his jaw and then finally one on the collarbone, where he murmurs against Keith's skin: ]

So maybe I should return this claiming favor...

[There's a flutter somewhere in his heart when James responds to the banter in a softer way than expected. Keith tries to ignore that missed beat without much success. it had felt good to say that James is his outright and even better to know that it's true just by looking at the other's contented smile.

But against his better judgment he smiles back, eyes fluttering shut as James leaves kisses of his own. The immediate desire to swallow at the feel of lips near his throat is also frustratingly difficult to ignore.]

Maybe you should.

[Or really, he shouldn't. Marks are going to be annoying to explain if anyone sees.... but then again, Keith doesn't actually care if people know they're together. Not really.]

You could leave one somewhere only I can see if you wanted.

[ James should be complaining that Keith left a hickey in the literally most obvious of places and yet suggests that James shouldn't do the same. Really, that would be worth complaining about. And yet the idea of secret markings simply isn't bad. Secrets only between them have a nostalgic connotation that isn't all negative.

But no matter what his emotions on the matter are... ]

Could I?

[ He pulls a little at the black fabric that covers most of Keith's body still. ]

[The skin tight under armor hadn't actually left much to the imagination and taking the thing off was more a formality than anything else, but there's still a pause. He's saying a lot of bold words before the rest of the implications catch up to his brain, and with an oddly nervous churning in his stomach, Keith nods.]

You could.

[Hesitant for just another moment, he pulls away from James to straddle him at the hips. sitting up straight, Keith tries not to think about the fact that this is the first time he's stripped down for a lover in years. That he'll get to see James without his mission gear on again and there's just something about this that makes Keith swallow hard. It had always felt so much like shedding an exterior facade for each other in those days when they were cadets pulling off each others uniforms.

Heart starting to race with anticipation, he reaches up to his neck. His fingers brush a straight line down his torso. The black fabric opens up like he'd pulled down an invisible zipper of some sort. Keith slides one arm out of the body suit, then the other with a smooth ease that something like spandex would have never allowed. The fabric comes off his shoulders and slides down to bunch around his hips.

Glancing at James' face, he pushes aside the thudding in his chest and places his hand over James' heart instead.]

This good enough?

[Taking the rest of it off's going to have to involve Keith getting off James and well.. he's fairly comfortable as he is.]

Edited 2019-02-02 08:55 (UTC)

...wow.

[ It's breathed out quietly and involuntarily, not at all for show. There simply is something about combining the feeling Keith's weight on his hips and watching Keith take off his clothes for him... Something that does get his blood flowing, for lack of better expression. Keith can probably feel his heartbeat thumping very clearly.

Then, louder, James answers: ] Perfect.

[ He pushes himself off the mattress to wrap his arms around Keith's naked torso as the other sits on his lap. The warm skin feels pleasant under his fingers.

James buries his face in Keith's shoulder for a moment, simply smiling to himself at the proximity, before leaving a trail of kisses down his neck and to his collarbone, which gets nibbled on gently for a moment. Easy to hide, but not... entirely effortless to. That's a good compromise. ]

[Keith was annoyed with James less than a minute ago. Really, he was. True, there wasn't any gravity behind it, but still. Something in the back of his mind protests feebly, reminding him that this was the case, but it doesn't come anywhere close to putting a dent in the way that the word perfect has him skipping yet another beat, and the way James' mouth moves against his neck and collarbone sends a distinct shiver straight down his spine. Instinctively, Keith wraps his own arms around him tightly, pressing his lips to the other boy's shoulder.]

...ah...

[The soft sigh escapes his mouth before Keith can think better of it. Heart beating faster, it's hard not to be pulled into just how good that feels. Because it's James and even though there are new, different doubts between them, he knows he's wanted, and that....

That has Keith breath hitch at the feel of teeth. His hands shift down to tug upwards at James' shirt.]

This is coming off now.

.... is it?

[ James murmurs lazily against Keith's collarbone, not quite willing to stop his assault just yet. The sigh Keith had given was simply too delicious... but then again, the idea of moving forward is not all that bad either. James sucks down on the reddened skin one more time and then separates himself to allow his shirt to be pulled up over his head and then idly discarded on the floor next to the bed.

And that leaves them half-naked in front of each other for the first time in half a decade. James doesn't think his body actually leaves anything to be desired, so he can't say he's insecure, but the nostalgic feeling is... somewhere between awkward and exciting. James has wanted to do this for so long and at the same time denied himself even the mere acknowledgement that he missed it.

Now that he actually can bring their bodies together, skin on skin, his heart is beating out of his chest just like it did the first time they clumsily took off each other's clothes. Maybe more so. Back then... he hadn't been thinking, there had been something feverish about it all. And while it would be a vast overestimation to say that James is in full control of his sanity and emotions right now, he's still far more capable of reflecting on what is happening while it is happening.

He lets his hands wander over Keith's torso, unashamed and appreciating, until his arms come to rest around Keith's waist. Their faces are close again now and James loves being able to look Keith in the eyes with barely any distance separating them. ]

What now...? Any other demanding requests, Keith?

[ He might be quite inclined to fulfill them. ]

[Keith doesn't pay attention to where he lets the shirt fall, only vaguely aware of the feeling of clothing slipping from his fingers. James is the only thought on his mind, and Keith looks at him with just his eyes first sweeping his gaze down from the lean musculature of his arms and chest down to a toned torso, all the way back up to swollen lips and then incredible deep blue eyes. Keith's throat goes dry, heart beating fast, too fast, as James' hands move over his chest and settle on his waist, the touch alone sending streaks of warmth coursing through his veins.

It's been four years and the memory of the exact details of the body of the boy he once loved kissing, biting -- touching in any way -- have faded a little, but he knows James now is different in all these subtle ways. The person he used to touch back then was someone who, like him, had only been training, ready only in theory in battles that took place on a computer screen. Those peaceful days of the past are long gone, both of them hardened by loss and warfare in ways that have shaped them not only mentally but physically too.

They're no longer cadets preparing for wars that may never happen. They're both soldiers and survivors. Fleetingly that horror Keith had felt pierce his heart when they crash landed on Earth for the first time in years and saw the toppled ruins of Platt City when he thought James might not have made it comes back and it reminds him that he's so fucking lucky to be here right now, still allowed to cling as hard as he wants, knowing for sure now that they want to be together.

Closing his eyes, Keith places one hand on James' shoulder, the other arm is curved around the small of his back to lock them into a tight embrace, like everything they've gone through, everything they've experienced apart from each other could be shared by pressing up close until all the space between them is gone.]

If you think taking off your shirt is demanding, not sure what you're gonna think of 'stay the night.'

[He doesn't wait for an answer to that though, and instead presses their lips together for another kiss, this one deep almost immediately, somewhere between eager and desperate to claim James' mouth again.]

Edited 2019-02-04 11:05 (UTC)

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